What Mothers do, especially when it looks like nothing

Photo by Austin Neill on Unsplash

This blog post is from a note I send out to the lovely mums I teach every once in a while.

It’s for any mum who needs a gentle reminder about how wonderful you are.

If you’re pregnant and reading this, maybe you can print it off and keep it tucked away somewhere until you need it.

This note is inspired by one of my favourite books on motherhood: ‘What Mothers Do, especially when it looks like nothing’ by Naomi Stadlen. This book was given to me when I needed it most, and it’s the one I’ve lent most often to mothers I know.
 
Raising a child is a wholehearted journey of exceptional value… and to my mind it is sometimes taken too much for granted. It is too easy for the things mothers do to go unnoticed, both by themselves and others. 
 
When my kids were babies, my husband would get back from work and ask me what I’d been up to, and I’d find it hard to capture how full my day had been. 

It’s easier to say "I got to the post office" than "I fed, changed, played with, danced with, rocked to sleep (3 times) and loved our baby with everything in me". I’m not saying making it to the post office with a baby isn’t a small miracle in itself, but it’s just that all the other stuff is more miraculous really.
 
So here, however you’re feeling right now,  whether you know you’re doing a great job or you’re worried you aren’t (even though you are), I’d like to remind you to acknowledge and honour the invisible, yet incredible things you do.
 
Just a few examples:
 
Giving birth. It may be something people do all over the world, but it’s no less extraordinary each and every time. Whether birth is a hazy memory or fresh in your mind, your body did something miraculous, and deserves daily love and respect.
 
Giving your baby all the comfort and affection they need to know they are safe, loved and uniquely wonderful. In return for your attentiveness, you feel the expansive joy at the little things they do that others might not even notice. This is love and it is what it all comes down to.

Dropping whatever you're doing to tend to your baby, many many times each day. A half drunk cup of tea, a half shower, so many things come in halves when you are focused on caring for another WHOLE person. 
 
Magic powers. When you help soothe your baby/child; calm, rock, feed, cuddle them, until they go from tears to peace. A transformation has taken place. 
 
Weightlifting. Carrying baby in a sling or in one arm, over a shoulder, in a buggy, up steps, with shopping. 
 
Using skills and patience worthy of a UN peace treaty negotiator to talk down a toddler from an epic tantrum. 
 
Remembering to send and reply to bday invitations. Wrap presents, send a thank you message, provide a sympathetic ear for a friend. Keep the fridge stocked, give back borrowed items, organise play dates, puzzle childcare logistics….. so on to infinity!
 
Managing to keep your baby/child warm and fed, which sounds simple and ordinary, but it's an achievement and really not that simple after all.

And all those qualities that you display daily; patience, resourcefulness, empathy, sense of humour, endurance ... so many more.
 
Lest we forget, it is the invisible things, like love, truth, kindness, that matter.

It’s what we do, especially when it looks like nothing, that matters most of all.

With love and admiration,

Zoe

One of my all time favourite photos of me giving Iris some emergency milk in the sling whilst Joe who is far too big for the buggy, sits in the buggy. Note - I have 3 bags hanging from the handles and I was actually feeding whilst also pushing the buggy, only stopping for this photo. It makes me feel tired just looking at it!!!